What a shitty performance…
That’s what we call a “woopsy poopsy”
The Groom and the Bride - part nine!
Thanks for responding so eagerly to my censorship dilemma! xD I decided to do both! Some people don’t feel comfortable with naked wieners, so I made a cheap censorship and upload the D pic down here. Feel free to peek. xD
do you ever think about how little Michelangelo cared
All right, everyone, grab a chair and sit back because I’m going to share with you what I learned about Michelangelo and the Sistine Chapel in my Art History Class.
The man NEVER wanted to paint the damn thing. But the pope at the time “forced him to” According to my teacher. Michelangelo hated this man, I MEAN REALLY HATED HIM. So did a majority of people. The pope’s nickname translated literally means “Terrible pope”.
And the working conditions were awful. He had to work on his back with all that paint, which is filled with some toxic shit that gave Michelangelo a limp for the rest of his life.
(Also, our teacher made us get on our backs and try drawing with both hands JUST to prove how bad and uncomfortable it is.)
At the time, the ceiling was so high, you could barely see it. You need binoculars to get a good look at what’s up there, by the time people could see the paintings, there was a lot of weird symbolism that Michelangelo hid up there.
This one? The creation of the sun and moon? God is mooning you. And the pope and all others after him prayed under that without knowing.
This one? At the time, dissecting was sacrilegious and everyone found out how behind God was what looked like half a brain. blah blah, science, science, that pissed everyone off.
And also, ALLLLLLL the men and women in the Sistine Chapel are all on fucking steroids. My teacher described the women’s bodies as "Men bodies with boobs slapped on."
And then there is this:
Now this is the back wall. Michelangelo actually wanted to paint this one after he finished the ceiling. (and there was a different pope too, I believe.) However, originally, EVERYONE in that painting was naked. And they didn’t like it. Adam and Eve naked? That’s cool. But Jesus? Now you crossed the line. So the pope at the time hired someone else to censor it and give the important figures clothes. He worked on it for 6 or 9 months before he died.
And then the symbolism in this one is great. Somewhere in the right, there are homosexuals in heaven. (No matter what, the Vatican will say “Those straight men are happy” I’ll get to that in a second), Michelangelo painted himself near Jesus, and the terrible pope is in hell with a snake biting his balls.
And if you were to point ANY of this out to the Vatican, they will deny all of it and claim Michelangelo was a catholic hero. In fact, when they discovered the symbolism around the 60s or 70s, the guy who told the Vatican was kicked out of the Vatican for life.
TL;DR: Michelangelo hated the pope and made the best “fuck you” of all time.
Stand Like This for 2 Minutes Per Day
No, for real, though—this is a thing. Not sure about the science behind it, but it makes me feel fancy and powerful regardless. I highly recommend it.
There actually is legit science behind this. In fact, here’s an entire TED Talk about the science behind it, and the confidence-related chemicals that your brain produces JUST BY YOU STANDING LIKE THIS.
My comm teacher showed us this TED talk. The last week of class we had to do this big 15 minute presentation in our groups and I tried to get my group to do a power stance cause we were all nervous as shit, and they all stopped after 10 seconds because they felt lame and I did it for a whole three minutes and guess who got graded as highly professional, extremely confident, and a well presenter even though he was sweating through his black shirt? Me motherfuckers. That shit works.
Anonymous said: WAIT DOES NOBODY HEAR WAYLON SCREAMING WHILE EDDIE IS ABOUT TO DO THE DO? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE NEIGHBORS? WHERE IS HIS MOTHER? WHERE ARE THE ADULTS?
'WHERE ARE THE ADULTS?' xDDDDDD
right, the thoughts behind this drawing came from hearing the song Bass by Meghan Trainor. On first listen I thought okay, great, body acceptance blah blah. Then I heard the lyric, 'she said boys like a little more booty to hold at night’. I thought, why the fuck must we only accept ourselves and our bodies in the context of male sexual appeal. And how dangerous it is to be coining pop songs like these as ‘feminist anthems’ when really they are just adding to the damn tidal wave of misogynistic views we’re already up to our necks in. If I ever write a pop song it’s gonna be about eating toast and rolling down hills and screaming at the sky because that’s all the cool stuff you can do with your body.
I do have a bit of a thing for ‘thicker’ women, so I think I wanted to like Meghan Trainor, but she’s kind of teetering into giving off that vibe that a lot of female pop stars do where you can tell they’re trying to present themselves as attractive, but you don’t actually feel attracted to them because you can tell that they don’t look entirely real (some do it worse than others).
That took exactly 8 minutes for a dude to chip in about how the woman can’t even get being thick right!!! brilliant.